Holding on to anger…?

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else…” -Buddha

“For every minute you remain angry you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wise words, but easier said than done?

Anger is what we call a secondary emotion – it occurs in place or to protect something softer, more hurtful or sore like sadness, fear or vulnerability; or sometimes fills a space where we could be taking responsibility.

Anger is normal and natural, fitting within a range of emotions and feelings.

Anger protects us – it scares others away and it makes us appear bigger and mightier. And, when faced with an immediate danger or threat, it can help us to fight, flee or freeze

This can be useful at times; but it can also come with a high price including possible consequences at work or with the law; and the more personal effects of pushing others away, isolating us and disabling us from receiving nurturing and love from ourselves of others.

Sometimes we can find ourselves getting into the habit of using anger and rage when we could really do with addressing deeper feelings, beliefs and thoughts; or with taking our own responsibility and sorting things out.

I help clients to unpack their anger, challenging them to ask themselves about what lies beneath those angry words and actions and what alternatives they might explore in getting their needs met more effectively. Often clients are stuck in patterns of behaviour set in childhood; or in constant alert mode due to experiences of the past. Anger often arises in place of responsibility where it had become a habit to blame others or the past for a lack of action or motivation in our own lives.

Using CBT and other therapeutic approaches, I help clients find ways to understand themselves better, express themselves more clearly and be kinder and wiser towards themselves and others. Losing the anger certainly doesn’t mean losing power, respect or esteem. Most clients agree that tackling chronic anger helps them to gain respect and feel stronger, while also feeling better and able to build more fulfilling and stable relationships and getting more done.

Put down the hot coal and find your peace of mind.

Contact me if you would like to find out more about CBT for anger management.